How To Say "No" With Less Guilt
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Hare,_Psy.D.]Barbara Hare, Psy.D.
Have you ever said “yes” to something that you really did not want to do? Or maybe you wanted to do it at first, but did not realize exactly what you had agreed to until it was too late? Setting boundaries is an important part of managing stress. You have a finite amount of time and energy to give to any single day. And if you don’t protect it, well, no one else will!
Sometimes we agree to something to avoid feeling guilty later. The problem with this is that we may feel resentful toward the person who asked for our time, as well as ourselves. But the idea of saying no can be quite stressful for many people. It may feel like a no-win situation. How do I say no to lower my stress, if saying no increases my stress?
Here are four strategies to make saying no easier:
Delay Your Response. The first words out of your mouth should be “Can I get back to you on that?” or “I need to check my schedule.” This gives you time to consider the request. Do you have the time? Do you have the energy? Do you want to do it? This is especially helpful if you have a bad habit of saying “yes” without thinking about it.
The Sandwich Approach. Put the “no” between two positive comments. For example, you might say “Thank you for your confidence in me, but I can’t take on another commitment right now. It’s sounds great, though!”
Change the Subject. After you have said no, ask follow up questions to show your interest in the person and his or her life. Keep the other person talking for about a minute.
Broken Record Technique. If the requestor is persistent, repeat yourself as often as you need to. If he or she is exceptionally pushy, you might need to say something like “I understand that this is important to you, but my answer is no. I cannot help you with this.”
These techniques may soften the blow of telling someone no. Regardless of how he or she reacts, if you use the techniques with respect and empathy for the other person’s feelings, you will have nothing to feel guilty about.
About The Author Dr. Barbara Hare is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Phoenix, Arizona. She specializes in helping women with anxiety stop worrying and start living.
For more information about Dr. Hare or anxiety, please visit http://www.new-perspectives-psych.com/]new-perspectives-psych.com
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